your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
