paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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