Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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