you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
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She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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