If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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