I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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