i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
