i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
