Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
