The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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