Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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