Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
