Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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