"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
