Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
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