Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
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Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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