This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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