I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
