I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
