My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
FUCK WHALES
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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