Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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