Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
