I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
