Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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