I wish I could teleport
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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