Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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