Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
