I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
