1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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