guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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