Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
