He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
