I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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