It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
