First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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