belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Found the puke drawer
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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