Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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