Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
