Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
