my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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