your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
