look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
