I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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