you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
