this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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