You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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