my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
