I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
