so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
