Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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