you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
