Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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