he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
