you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
