Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
smell my finger.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
