I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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