I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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