We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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