Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
