I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
