You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
