the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
