We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
