Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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