I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
