So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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