then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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