i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
