we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
