White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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