best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
