Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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