It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
