Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
