accomplished twins. life is a go
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
