I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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