I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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