Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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