You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
