It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
