Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
