It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
