I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
