You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
