Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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